I want my Nose
by Valiant Flower
Summary: Collection of one-shots. Each of the Pevensie children, on their 2nd birthday, must live 'without their noses' for about 3 minutes.
1. Peter

I Want My Nose!

A/N: I did my best to get a two year old's way of talking, but as I am not two, but significantly _older, _please don't blame me if it's not the best! This will also be kind of short, so …sorry if you were expecting something longer.

_**Disclaimer: **__Of course I own Narnia! That's the reason I'm posting fan fiction, right?!_

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_**Peter**_

Helen Pevensie was in the kitchen washing dishes when she heard her oldest, Peter, crying. He was screaming (yelling at the top of his lungs was more accurate) something that she thought was supposed to be words, but since he was barely two years old, he could be forgiven. She rushed into the living room and was about to scold her husband for playing to roughly with Peter, when she saw that he was only talking to him. She could also painfully hear Peter howling, "I want my nose!" David Pevensie had his thumb in between his index and middle finger, and Peter, apparently not seeing that there was a fingernail, thought it was his nose. "David, may I see you for a minute?" Helen asked this question a total of three times before she got an answer. The man in question got up, taking Peter's "nose" with him, despite his child whimpering, "Please Daddy, give me my nose back!"

"Can you just keep him a bit quieter? I just spent half the afternoon getting Susan to sleep!" She said as quietly as possible. David nodded, returned to his screaming offspring, and said soothingly, "Peter, I talked to your nose. Does he have a name?"

"Yes." Peter said proudly as he stopped screaming.

"Can you tell me his name? I don't want to offend him."

"It's a she. Her name is Ellie." Peter said confidentially.

"Oh. Well, Ellie says she needs you to be a bit quieter. You were giving her a headache-" he paused to hold in a laugh "-and Mummy just put Susie to sleep."

"Okay." Peter put his hands over where his nose should have been. "Daddy, Ellie likes you, but she likes me better. She wants to come back. I want my nose Daddy, please may I have her back?"Peter asked sadly.

"Well......I suppose. You have to close your eyes, turn around three times, then I have to say the magic words. You can't hear them, though, because they're _magic_."

Peter obediently closed his eyes and spun around three times, although he tripped at the end and fell on his bottom. he opened one eye and said, "Sorry Daddy. Will that ruin it?" He asked urgently.

"No Peter. Close your eyes now." As Peter did so, David hummed tunelessly for about four seconds, then pressed his son's "nose" back to his face.

"Alright, Pete, all done. Do you want to race to the kitchen and see if Mum has a biscuit for you?"

"Yeah!" Peter said as he toddled off in search of his mum.

"Hey, wait! I haven't said go yet!" David protested.

Peter returned, and as soon as he was back, he heard, "Go!"

Unfortunately, not 3 seconds after David yelled go, they both heard Susan crying, did a quick about-face, and headed off to the garden. David, after spying some on Helen and watching her leave to comfort her daughter, captured the cookie jar.

When Helen came back, she found the biscuit jar missing, and a ransom note for it, saying that the cookie thieves wanted a chocolate cake for dessert. It was signed, in Peter's handwriting (with David's translation underneath) 'Ellie'.

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Okay, I know I should be working on Meeting the family, but this was written first. If enough people want, I can try to do ones for Susan, Edmund, and Lucy.

I also realise that it is short. I do hope the pacing was better. I read it to my mother, and she said the pacing was great, except the end, so I re-did that.

If you're American (as I happen to be), biscuit is cookie.

Writer'sblock7777 wanted a chocolate cookie with cherries on top. ( 0 ) --That's the best I can do. I hope it's good enough!

Please review! I'm still giving out invisible cookies. -- (#) peanut butter (0) special request (:.:) sprinkles. If you want a different kind, please inform me.


	2. Susan

A/N: Before I forget, Princess Lucy wanted a double chocolate fudge cookie, so here's my attempt (%) See! It's double (in half). I couldn't really show chocolate, but I did my best. I'm not that good a cook. : }

Based on what my reviewers wanted, I get to try Susan. This is how I think she would be if her daddy stole her nose.

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**Susan**

On the day that Susan turned two, Helen was, again, in the kitchen. This time she was making a cake. She was contemplating which kind would taste best and still have the least mess. They were scheduled to go to visit Grandma Pevensie, and since she was very forgetful, Helen had offered to bake the cake. No one wanted the poor woman to forget that she was baking a cake to begin with and burn down the house, and her house was very big and very old. David was supposed to be getting Susan dressed, but Helen heard Susan saying, "_Daddy!_" as if she was exasperated. "Daddy, you can't take my nose!" She smiled fondly, remembering how _Peter's_ time without his nose had gone. David had told her everything afterwards, and she wondered when her son had decided that his nose was a _girl_ named _Ellie_. At first she had been worried about him, but over time she had realised that he had gotten it from his favorite cousin, who lived in London. Ellie was 10, and she seemed to think that Peter was one of the sweetest creatures on earth, so she always had a treat for him.

Helen was brought out of her thoughts by Peter, who was now _three_, saying, "Mummy, Daddy stole Susie's nose. Can I help her get it back?"

She smiled at him and said, "Of course, Peter. Run and save her!"

Peter ran up the stairs, tripped on the third one, and continued onward to save the damsel in distress, even though the damsel probably thought that she wasn't in distress.

Once Peter got to Susan's room, she was already starting to grow nervous that her daddy might have actually taken her nose. As soon as David saw him, he marched Peter back outside and whispered, "Pete, when you turn two, you have to have your nose stolen by your daddy. So-"

"But I'm _three_, Daddy!" Peter whimpered.

"Oh, I know. I mean Susan, and other children. You have to let me show her, okay?"

Peter nodded.

"Good. Come on, and you get to help me, alright?"

"Yeah!" Peter cried as he scrambled back to Susan.

"Petey, Daddy says that he's stealing my nose and I don't have it anymore. Tell him it's not true. I still have my nose. See?" Susan asked, showing Peter her small nose.

"No, Susie! Daddy has it! But you have to tell him her name. My nose's name is Ellie," Peter said happily.

"Oh. Well, mine's name is .... um....Pete, I don't know my nose's name!" Susan said, disappointed.

"Susie, you're silly! Just make up a name!" Her much smarter older brother said.

"Like Anna?" She asked.

"Sure!"

"Okay. Daddy," Susan said, turning toward him, "My nose's name is Anna. She's a girl," She said, almost in the same tone that Peter had used the year before. (She was very proud of Anna.)

"Alright, Su. I need you to close your eyes and spin around three times, then I'll say the magic words," David said.

"Wait! Susie, you can't hear the magic words, because they're _magic,_" Peter told her.

She reluctantly closed her eyes, then twirled three times, making sure her skirt twirled with her.

David stopped her, hummed his tuneless song, winked at Peter, then pushed Anna back to Susan's face. "Alright, Susie, all done! Do you want to go find some flowers for Grandma?"

Susan looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, "No, thank you Daddy. I want my nose to play with Peter's nose. Peter, can Ellie play today?" she asked, grinning.

"Yes!" He paused. "What do you want to play?" He asked warily.

"Knights and princesses!" Susan said happily.

"But Ellie's a girl!" Peter protested.

"But she's your nose. You like being the big knight, so she does too," Susan said practically.

"Well, yeah, but-"

"Come on, Petey! It's _my _birfday!"

When Helen came to see if Susan was ready to go, and if David had gotten Peter ready, that's what she found them playing. David was the dragon, and Peter was tickling him, while Susan watched and clapped.

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How was that? If, after this, you _still _want me to do Edmund and Lucy's, please tell me. I really want to, but if you don't want me to, I won't.

When Susan says it's her _birfday_, I meant it that way. One example of how normal two year olds talk, to my general knowledge.

You know what to do. Review, you get an invisible cookie. (#); (:.:); (0); (%); or a request.

Please review!


	3. Edmund

I got the chapter up for my other story, so I shall give you wonderful people Edmund's chapter!

Warning: Edmund is my favorite character, so his might be funnier and/or longer or just plain better than the others.

I'm really giving Edmund a lisp, so if you think it's a typo, it probably isn't. Even all the 'sh's. It's how I think a two year old would talk.

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_Edmund's _second birthday found Helen not in the kitchen, but in the birthday boy's room, trying her hardest to get said boy to come downstairs. He didn't want to; he didn't feel good, he said, or more accurately, he said that his tummy felt bad; he wanted Daddy to come say happy birthday, and _then_ he'd come down, maybe even changed out of his pajamas, or as he called them, his 'shleepies'.

"David! can you come get your son out of bed? Do whatever it is that you do-"

("Shhhhh!" David whispered as he came into the room. "You can't tell him!")

"-about his-"

"Yes, his nose," He said in a louder voice, almost as if he were examining the nose belonging to Edmund, "it seems like.....yes," he said to himself, though he knew Edmund was listening intently.

"What 'bout my nose, Daddy?" The very small creature under the blankets said in a hoarse voice.

"Edmund, you're sick!" His father said, surprised.

"Daddy, what 'bout my _nose_?" Edmund said impatiently.

"Well, Eddy, I have to take it for a moment!" David reached over, gave the nose a tug and put his thumb between his first two fingers.

"Daddy, my nose is shpecial. You tan't have it!" Edmund said indignantly (still in a hoarse voice).

"I do have it. I have to look at it for a couple minutes," David said, holding back a grin.

"But....but...how will I breave?" Edmund said frantically.

"Use your mouth!" His father said without looking up from his examinations.

"Peeper!" Came the child's battle cry. Peter, now 7, answered to his brother's variation of his name and came tearing into the room.

"Peeper, Daddy 'tole my nose, an' I'm only two! It's my birfday, he tan't 'teal it!" Edmund said angrily, then seemed to doubt himself, "Tan he?"

"Eddy, Daddy stole my nose when I turned two also, but he _has _to, and he'll give it back. What's your nose's name? Mine's ....Ellie," Peter said, starting out soothingly, and ending embarrassed.

"Ellie?!" Edmund was obviously disgusted, "Mine's name is...... Peeper!" he said happily.

'Peeper' turned red very fast. "You can't name your nose Peter! What about Andrew?"

"No! My noshe's name is Jamesh. Sho dere!" (A/N: translation: 'My nose's name is James. So there.' )

David now returned to the conversation. "Eddy, can you close your eyes, turn around three times, and then I'll say the magic words, that you can't hear?"

Edmund jumped out of bed with his eyes shut, landing almost on Peter, then proceeded to spin around with his hands out, managing to hit all the current residents of the room at least three times (he didn't stop spinning at three), and finally collapsed in a heap on the floor, giggling.

David hummed for ten seconds (he felt the need, since Edmund hit him four times), then pressed his youngest son's nose back to his face. Edmund started probing it, saying, "Ish dat it?"

"Yep, all done, Eddy! Can you get dressed now?" David asked.

"Fine," Edmund pouted, "but I don't feel nice!" he warned. "_And_, I want Peeper's nose-"

"Ellie." Peter said under his breath.

"- to play wif Jamesh." Edmund ended stubbornly.

They found that why he didn't feel well very quickly.

So James (Edmund) had his play-date with Ellie (Peter 'Peeper'), and they (amazingly) persuaded Anna (Susan) to join them.

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Before I forget, I like changing my pen name. I am the same person. Trust me.

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Okay, maybe not as long, but funny, I hope! You should be able to translate 'Edmund speech', but if not, tell m _when_ you review.

Btw, Edmund got sick there at the end. Need I say more?

You know the drill, review, and get a cookie! We now have snickerdoodles! ($) And chocolate chip! (*.) And double chocolate fudge! (%)

(#); (0); (*.); (:.:); (%)

Review!


	4. Lucy

Last chapter, people, unless you want me to figure out a way to do Eustace and Jill. I can't believe that you actually liked it! That was my second story _ever_! I'm pretty proud of myself. Just keep reading and reviewing, and I'll be happy! Care to make the review number get up to 13? *puppy dog eyes* Pretty please?  
David eating Lucy's nose was an idea courtesy of narnia-aslan, who graciously allowed me to use it.  
Lucy

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On the fourth, and final, Pevensie's second birthday, Helen was watching her daughter "write". (Lucy had decided that she could write just as well as Peter and Susan, who were now 8 and 7. So she picked up Edmund's colored pencil and a sheet of Susan's paper and started making lines, dots, and swirls. She would, once finished, read the finished copy aloud with her family gathered in the living room. Usually she wrote about her "friends", known better to others as her stuffed animals. "Misder Bwinkwy wikes Anna va doggie." (Translation: Mr. Blinkly likes Anna the doggie.) Helen and David, and sometimes Peter and Susan, would then applaud Lucy's amazing writings, but Edmund would sit on his daddy's lap until she was done, and then go help Lucy with some more "books". He loved helping, because he said he would be just like Peter some day, so he had to learn how to write.) This was what Lucy was doing on her second birthday, but it wasn't about her friends. This time it was a birthday card to herself, complete with illustrations (courtesy of Edmund Pevensie). When her father came in with her brothers trailing, she barely looked up.

"I'n 2, Daddy," Lucy said after a moment, holding up three fingers.

"Yes, Lucy, you do seem to be two. Do you know what I have to do to your nose when you turn two?" David asked.

"You tan't do anyfing ta my nose, Daddy. It's on my fashe (face)," Lucy said looking at the group assembled in front of her.

"Well, Lucy-goosey, I have to steal it!" David said, 'grabbing' it.

"Otay. I don' wan it," she said with a shrug. Edmund gasped and shoved a thumb in his mouth, and David looked at Peter as if to say _'Help me out! What do I do now?'_

"Lucy, does your nose have a name?" Peter asked, correctly translating his father's look and coming to the rescue.

"Sawy 'Lisbef Ewa Viowet da fird," Lucy said, with almost no hesitation. (Sally Elizabeth Ella Violet the Third.)

"Uh....Can we just call her Sally?" Peter asked hopefully.

His baby sister pursed her lips and said, "Caw 'er Sawy 'Lisbef." (Call her Sally Elizabeth.)

"Alright, can Sally Elizabeth come back now?" David asked. (His hand was getting cramped.)

"No! I don' wan 'er. Eddy tan have 'er." Lucy said with an evil grin.

"Noooooooo! Jamesh don't wan a dirl!" Edmund howled, clutching his nose. (Noooooo. James doesn't want a girl!)

"Luce, if you don't take her soon, I'll have to eat her!" David warned. Edmund whimpered,"Tate her, Lucy!"

"Fine. I'w tate 'er," she said reluctantly, pushing her face toward her daddy to get a very important feature returned.

"Good girl! Luce, close your eyes, then twirl three times, and I'll say the magic words," David said happily.

"Why tan't _I _say da magit wors?" Lucy pouted.

"I'm the only one who knows, and .....I can't tell you," David said frantically.

"O-_tay_," his quite put-out daughter said reluctantly as she rolled three times on the floor with her eyes closed.

David pushed Sally Elizabeth back to union with Lucy's face, and said, "There we go! Open your eyes, Luce!"

"Daddy, wats _yer_ nose's name?" Lucy asked innocently.

David turned red, and said, "Well, when Grandpa took my nose, I named her Sarah."

"Sawah?" Lucy said, crinkling her nose, "I wike Sawy 'Lisbef Ewa Viowet da fird bedder."

"I know you do, Lu. What are you writing, now?" David asked, smiling.

"I'n 'riten 'bout how you 'tole my nose," Lucy said indignantly.

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Lucy wrote it, told it to Edmund, who then told Peter, who wrote the translation underneath. They then did this with each of her siblings.

So that's how the author knows this story.

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The End!

I realise that Lucy isn't as sweet and innocent as in the book, but hey! I hope it'll do. I modeled Lucy off of my cousin Anne when she was 2, so .....thanks, Anne! Even though she has no idea that I modeled off her. : )

I don't particularly _want_ to do Eustace and Jill, but if my reviewers want me to, I shall attempt. If you can't understand 'Lucy talk', tell me when you review and I'll translate.

I hope you enjoyed that story, and that you review, or I will have uneaten cookies sitting around the house, so I will be forced to eat them myself!

-Lucy the Valiant


	5. In Narnia

Sorry about the relatively long wait! We had a lot of tests this week. Then we had to read The Outsiders (which is an awesome book, even if it is short).

I lied about the previous chapter. _This_ is the last chapter. I am not doing Eustace and Jill in this story, I might in a one-shot. I credit the idea for this chapter to Benbulben95, who graciously allowed me to use her (I assume you're a girl?) idea. I shall soon (by _soon _I mean within the next few months) be posting a story that, in short, is a story of Lucy's life. I've seen those for Peter and Edmund, they're both very well written (The Way Things Are-A Amelia Black; I was King of Narnia- PippinBaggins), and I hope I can come a bit close. All of you who plan to read it when I have it up (which may not be for a while), I salute thee!

Jaer, Jaerin, Rein, Gale, Galen, Saera, and anyone else owned by Thalion King's Daughter is not owned by me. Thanks for letting me borrow them! I hope I can do them justice!  
Lucy

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This was also chronicled by Lucy Pevensie, in a collection which she put together called "The Complexity of Noses and How to Steal Them".

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**Lucy POV (sort-of)**

On Gale's second birthday, Helen Pevensie was probably in her house, doing something along the lines of housework, but it is unknown exactly what she was doing, as her children were in Narnia. She doesn't have much to do in the ongoing story of the stealing of her childrens' noses. Lucy, however, found the reactions of Jaer's children so funny when Gale's nose was kidnapped by her brothers that she had to add this chapter as the last one in a book that was never published.

It came to her attention when Susan approached her, giggling. "Lucy, it's the funniest thing! Ed and Peter have "stolen" Gale's nose. Remember how Dad used to with us?"

Lucy's eyes grew wide, and she followed her sister to the courtyard, where Galen looked worried and was looking back and forth between her brother Edmund and his brother Gale.

"What's wrong?" She asked, looking as sympathetic as possible.

"King Edmund took Gale's nose, and Father isn't doing anything about it. Neither is High King Peter," he said sadly.

"Well, it happens to some people. We all had it done to us," Lucy said reassuringly.

"You did?" Galen said, amazed, while still watching his brother.

"Yes. We named ours, too. Does your nose have a name?" she asked.

"No. My nose is my nose," he said firmly.

"Alright. Mine was ......Sally Elisabeth Ella Violet the Third," Lucy said after a pause.

"Mine was just Anna," Susan said happily.

"What were the Kings' noses named?" he asked, wonderingly.

(to be answered in the next section. Scroll down if you dare.)

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**Peter POV **

I had been brought out of my reading by my dearest brother coming up to me and yelling, "Peter, it's Gale and Galen's second birthday!"

He paused expectantly.

"That means we'll have a celebration tonight and-" He cut me off.

"No, no, no! It means we have to steal Gale's nose!" Then he sighed. "Pete, you can't tell me you forgot!" Edmund rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Don't you remember what Dad used to do?"

I racked my brain desperately, thinking, '_I can't be that old! I have to remember this!' _"Oh! When Dad stole our noses, then we had to spin around three times and-"

"Yeah! I was worrying about you Peter, you aren't that old!" he said, running off to find Gale.

When I finally caught up, his search had been successful. I must have been very out of shape to let my little brother beat me in a race. I made a mental note to not mention that to Orieus.

Edmund had already taken Gale's nose, and instead of screaming or crying uncontrollably, he _laughed_! He acts quite a bit like his uncle Jaerin. Gale seemed to find it hilariously funny that his nose had been uprooted from his face and was now in the grasp of King Edmund the Just.

Edmund was looking quite flustered now, as Gale didn't seem to care that his nose was gone, and seemed intent on laughing until he was blue in the face.

"Gale!" My brother yelled to be heard.

"Yes?" Gale stopped immediately.

"Does your nose have a name?"

Gale now looked confused. "My nose? What does that have to do with anything?"

Edmund stared at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Lucy and Susan come walking 'gracefully' up to Galen, who was terrified.

"I just stole it!" Ed said, even more flustered than before.

"You did?" Gale asked, probing the 'missing' member of his face.

"Yes!" Edmund said, showing the now two-year-old his nose in between his two fingers.

"Really?!" Gale squealed happily.

"....Yes! What is your nose's name?"

He thought for a moment, his face scrunched up. "Liulfr!" Gale finally said with finality.

"Isn't that your uncle's sword's name?" Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Well, don't you want it back, now that you named it?"

Gale turned and said angrily, "He's a he, not an it!"

"Alright," Edmund said, trying not to laugh, "Do you want _him_ back?"

Gale's answer was interrupted by Galen yelling, "Take it, Gale, take i-him! You can't breath without your nose!"

"Okay," Gale said, holding out his hand.

"Now, turn around three times, then I'll say the magic words, that you can't hear because they're magic. Got it?"

In answer, Gale spun around, almost tripped, slammed into Galen instead, so that his brother ended up on the ground. Galen then shrieked, causing his sister Saera (named after her grandmother) to look up from a book she had been reading and begin to make her way towards the sound. Edmund, during all this, had made up his own tuneless song and then declared Gale good as new.

By the time Saera got there, all that she saw was Galen, sitting on the ground sniffling. He wouldn't tell what happened, but he swore years later that seeing his brother without a nose had haunted his dreams ever since.

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The End!

By the way, Gale and Galen are obviously two, and Saera's six. They talk so well because I think that in Narnia, children start learning proper speech early, and the same goes with why Saera was reading a book. And in case anyone is confused, they are Jaer's children.

Thank you so much for all the reviews! All.....23 of them! I honestly expected about 10 at the most. Please review this chapter, too! And Thalion King's Daughter, again, thanks for letting me borrow your characters. I hope it turned out to your liking! Maybe I can find some way to make a virtual cake......

Please review!


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